I Need Your Approval

Last week I wrote about how I don’t need your permission before I offer to do something helpful for you. I can make an offer; you can accept or not. And we both can be happy where we stand.

If I offer you something, and you accept, I do need your approval. I need you to say, ‘Yes – this is the right thing for me.’

The approval that I am talking about is an approval that shouts, ‘I approve of what you are doing. It makes my life better. I am willing to spend money (or time, or energy) you because you are in line with what I hold most important right now.

I’m not waiting for your approval to validate myself, or who I am. I want to trust that you have thought about what I am offering to help you with, and you approve of what I am going to do. If you don’t approve, we have a couple of options.

  1. You can walk away. If you don’t think that I have anything to offer, I won’t be hurt if you don’t stick around.
  2. You can tell me about what parts just don’t quite fit for you. (I prefer this option.) In this case, you might say, “I like your work, but your [blank blank] just doesn’t fit my needs.’ I may be able to change how I help you because I have never realized that you needed [blank blank]. Or I might not be able to help you, and again you walk away without putting your stamp of approval on what I offer.

The worst thing that you can do is buy something, without giving it your full approval. In this case you are cheating both yourself and me. If you buy something that you don’t value, you are wasting money. If you buy something without being committed to it, I don’t have any way to make it better. I don’t know that it doesn’t quite fit, and I am not aware of how I can help better.

I’m looking for your approval because I want you to get something of value.